Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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