I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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