i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
