and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
