Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
