I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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