just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
