i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
