It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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