mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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