...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
