I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
