He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
