kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
