i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
