Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
