It's Friday. Sex?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
