im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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