My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
