I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
