The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
