it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Pooping to opera.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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