but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
