i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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