now i know why i became what i already was.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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