Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
