you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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