you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
