yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You need a sexual gate keeper
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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