Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
