i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
