what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
