why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
