How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
