Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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