The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
