I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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