one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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