I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
