last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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