His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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