i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
