i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
