cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need water and some morals
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
FUCK WHALES
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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