i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
