can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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