you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
