I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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