i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
