we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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