so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
