who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
